my dad ate a cucumber today and he was like “wow this is pretty cold” and then he just slowly put the cucumber down and stared into space for a really long time until he turned to me with wide eyes and quietly said, “oh my god. cool as a cucumber.”
from zero to internet explorer how ignored do you feel
white pencil crayon.
Terms and Conditions.
Warning label on cookie dough packages.
“You must be 18 or older” webpage warnings
First piece of bread in a loaf.
Almost everyone on my dashboard has either been in a hotel or an airport or something on their way to vidcon and now I’ve got the not-going-to-vidcon blues. I need some ice cream.
has science invented a way to lay on your side while wearing headphones yet
You can always count on me though!
Wow…that is a lot of RTs and Favorites…
But seriously, Sports Team is going to kill it this year. They have the best players and are the best at putting the ball where it needs to be. Sports Team is definitely going to pull it out this year.
- future child: mom can you tell me a story
- me: sure
- me: this is the story of a girl
- future child: what
- me: WHO CRIED A RIVER AND DROWNED THE WHOLE WORLD
exit the womb they said
life would be great they said